Meanwhile.  Mr. P has a complaint.. hmmmmmm

           '' Sounds to me you might be complaining about ALL the money I save you..   And I can proudly say I don't think I have cost you a dime during all these years we have been married.. not one red cent..
I just did our taxes for last year.. and thanks to me you are getting a refund. Without me as a deduction.. and that married filing jointly column you would owe,and big time..  I figured out I save you about 5 grand in taxes every year.. over the course of the thirty years we have been married.. that's about 150 grand.  and that doesn't count all the money I have saved you in coupons.. .   So it looks like you OWE me.. ''  Mrs P says while extending her hand..

 '' OWE YOU .. OWE YOU .. OWE YOU ''  Coughs Mr P..   What about what you eat.. ? ''

            '' We spend about a hundred a week in groceries.. I eat about ten percent of the groceries.. I save about twenty percent with coupons and freebies.. sometimes more but I will cut you a break here..  So I figure over thirty years.. you owe me about ten percent of that one hundred a week I spend on groceries.   And I might point out.. you hardly tip me when I serve you..  ''

'' OWE YOU For food ? What about the roof over your head ?'' asked Mr P,  demanding an explanation from Mrs P.. ''

           '' I guess you forgot dear.. Navy Retirement.. TX Community Property Laws covers that quite nicely..  I use the retirement pay for the mortgage and utilities..  My half of that.. the retirement pay.. pays for MY  half of the roof over my head ''

''WHAT about all the crap you buy, the fabric ?''

         ''  I am so glad you brought that up .. I was thinking about all that stuff..   Lets take the fabric for example..  Now I sew all our own drapes.. and I buy that fabric at big discounts and sometimes even with half off coupons.. so I always save you fifty percent at least.. sometimes more..  so thats MY half.. and you only OWE me for the labor.. ''  

'' OWE YOU for the labor ????????? ''  cough cough..  '' What about the papercrap ?  ''

        '' Thanks.. thats another thing I forgot  and its a real money pit , but you see.. I make all our cards.. and your family is much bigger then my family.. so since your family gets more cards then my family..  you might want to kick in more then half here..  its only fair..  Hallmark would def charge more .''

''What about your medical costs ? ''  (Poor Mr. P .. he hasn't learned to stop while he is only a little bit behind)

        '' I know.. medical can add up fast.. but I don't hold it against you for bringing all those germs home from work .. doesn't seem fair.. but I don't charge you back for any of my down time.. so lets just call it even on medical..  The fact that you make me sick is probably just a fact of married life ''  

'' WHAT about your clothes ? I buy your clothes''  smirked Mr. P..

         '' Don't be so cheap dear ..   besides right now.. I consider all that clothing as past , present and future birthday presents.. Might be cheaper for you to go buy me something.. .. just sayin........'' smiled Mrs P..

          '' Look on the bright side Mr. P.. I hardly charge you anything for my time and labor..  ''

''CHARGE ME.. CHARGE ME.. Charge me for your time and labor ? ''

          ''Yeppers.. why just today.. I only charged you 300 dollars for doing those taxes.. that's half what a real tax preparer would charge.. my half.. ''

Too bad for you Mrs P.. I am not not NOT paying you a dime.. ''  Mr P said smugly.

            '' Oh I already knew that.. its why I never ask.. never send you a bill, that would just not work  ..Under the circumstances.. those being you are cheap and you take me for granted..   SO I just go spend it.. it all comes out in the wash..  Speaking of which,   Luckily  you now do your own laundry  .. you wouldn't believe what they charge for laundry nowadays..

  So this morning .. I bought a new sewing machine with that three hundred dollars. .. and I am not even going to charge you  half of it.  Even though I will be using it for sewing up household decor and mending your clothing..  Since I already charge you the labor for alterations ''

'' You bought ANOTHER machine.. why on earth.. how could you possibly need another sewing machine ?''
         '' Don't get upset dear.. I only did it to please you..  You are always saying how all the other wives do this.. or that.. so since Sally  bought her a new machine.. I bought one too.. so to obey your wishes that I do all the stuff all the other wives do.. ''  '' Frankly .. considering .. I think you should have paid for that machine. It was your idea.. why should I have to pay for it ?''

        ''  IN any case Mr. P.. its not your job to worry about the money.. that's what you pay me for .  ''

           '' BUT the yardwork.. we really need to talk about the yardwork.. I just found out the neighbor pays twenty bucks just for a guy to mow her little front yard.. .. Geez have costs just gone up for yardwork lately..''

'' But I MOW the back yard and its much bigger Mrs P.. ''

          '' I know that but YOU use a riding lawn mower..  It should come out of your entertainment budget really  ''

'' AHA.. Now I GOTCHA.. What about the cable bill.. answer me that. ''

         '' We don't have cable dear.. you just can't afford it after paying me to wash the windows.. ''

'' You wash the windows.. ?  Then how come they look dirty ?''

         '' Because you can only afford to pay me twice a year for them. The dust down here in Texas is just hideous.  I should charge you a surcharge just for dusting alone.   Actually washing the windows are kinda a freebie to you .. I lump it in with the cost of spring and fall cleaning.  ''

 '' I think I need a drink " Mr P said.. collapsing on his lazyboy.

          '' Of course . No problem..  That will be $ 2.05.. ''  Mrs P said extending her hand once again.

'' TWO DOLLARS AND FIVE CENTS.. ?  WHAT happened to $ l.99 ''

           ''  I need a raise ''      

(continued)



           .

         

Meanwhile.. back at the Farm..  ''YOU DID WHAT "

''Good morning Mrs. P.  whatcha thinking about "

          '' Now I am just sitting here having my pot of coffee... not thinking about a thing..( just wondering.. when I am going to get my birthday prezzie.. )What makes you think I am thinking about anything in particular ? ''

'' Now .. aside from the fact You are always thinking about something. Usually something that involves me.. so thought I would head that off and put an end to that right now. ( Hope she isn't thinking about her birthday present )  .. in any case when are stroking your chin while drinking your coffee.. a clear indication you might be thinking about something..  ''

           '' Not necessarily a sign of anything on my mind.. You stroke your beard all the time and I know you aren't thinking about anything.. esp anything important.. like say. a birthday prezzie or Valentines Day which is coming soon.. like REAL SOON..  ''  sighed Mrs P.

'' I stroke my beard out of habit.. because it tends to itch .. so not necessarily a sign of anything on my mind either...''

           '' Good to know that dear.. I thought maybe the fleas had arrived early this year.. jumped from the dogs into your beard.. and .....''

'' Now where are you going.. we still haven't talked about Valentines Day Mr. P ''  yelled Mrs. P..

'' I am going to go shave my beard .. thanks to you..  ''

'' WHERE are MY razors ?  ''  yelled Mr P from the bathroom..

            '' Well you see dear. YOU weren't using them anymore so rather then use my ten for a dollar razors I decided to use your rather expensive razors.. ''

''YOU USED MY RAZORS on YOUR legs''  grrrrrrrrrrr ..

            '' Well.. there too.. but I only did it so to save you money.. so you wouldn't have to worry about how much you have to spend on my birthday present..  I did it for you.. ''
            '' But don't worry.. I saved them all and planned on rinsing them and putting them back into the package they came in..  ''

'' I can't believe you would even do that.'' stated Mr. P.

            '' Well dear. I have been doing things like that for Years Mr. P.. YEARS..  Take your shampoo for instance.. You won't use the VO five.. Oh no.. you want the expensive stuff..  so for years I just watered it down after every use.. but then I got smart. Now I just take the old bottle and put in the cheap shampoo.. and water it down instead. ''

            '' ITs really all YOUR fault Mr. P.. if you would just buy me that darn prezzie so I knew what you had spent.. then I would not have to worry about saving up so much money for it.. Clearly its a burden on me.   For thirty years now I have had to pinch pennies just in case you bought me anything. its rather tiresome... ''   Mrs P said with a big sigh.
           

''What about all that sausage we eat ?'' asked Mr P.. taking a second look at his breakfast..

         '' Hmm.. well I have to admit.. I have no idea whats in that sausage to start with.. I am not sure anyone knows what went into their sausage.. its one of those things you just know not to ask.. you don't want to know.. no one really wants to know.. So.. its one of those things YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT "

             '' YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA how much money I save you dear.. You should be more grateful.. thats all I'm saying.. a little gratitude.. and some appreciation shown by way of buying me a birthday present would be nice..  thats all I am sayin...''   

                





          

And you never ever want to name NAMES.. [such as Butterfly. but thats already out of the bag now ]  and since she is rather proud of her infamous reputation.. I am sure she doesn't mind .. More then sure.. I think she pays me  $ l.99 for each time I mention her name..  All proceeds go to Project Innocent]

           Just sayin.. you all ready know the danger in naming names of course.. Once you name a name.. then that person feels like they may be held responsible for what they say.. what they hear, what they did and what they know.

          And we all already know .. the best defense is a strong offense..  So that would mean to tackle you .. go after you and take you down.. [Even more proof that football season never ends.. like never.. NEVER.. ]

          Same as when you file a complaint.. valid or not.. the easiest way to handle a complaint is to ignore it of course.. but that doesn't always work .. so if they concentrate their efforts towards smearing your name.. instead of actually doing something about whatever has been complained about.. then ........  I learned that in the Military..  Luckily for most of our men and women in uniform.. there is always someone higher up that they can pass the buck to.. until it stops at a rank so high.. no one would ever dare mention it again  .

        Course often times they will just go around the complaint and install a ''feel good '' idea.. such as putting our children into school uniforms.. Does nothing to make the kids smarter.. but by golly .. they can claim they spent hours, days even .. coming up with such a fabulous idea such as uniforms.. without addressing the more important educational issues..   But then I would applaud those uniforms if they were designed for the girls by Vera Bradley.. with matching VB Bags of course..  The males would all wear Ralph Lauren.. Not that I can't appreciate the Tommy Hilfiger look the uniforms have nowadays.. it just I have so much more RL fabric stashed away.. and besides. you all know how I love that British look..

          Now and then someone.. who probably has too much time on their hands.. or is bored.. or is a troll perhaps.. which I understand has absolutely nothing to do with those little plastic naked dolls with the weirdo spiky hairdos we played with back in the early sixties..


           Anyhow.. someone will complain.  sometimes even on paper..  You might hear about it on Fox TV .. and here is what happens to those complaints..

          First ''they are looking into it ''   After that there is a LONG period of never mentioning it again in hopes it might fade away when a better news story hits..   If not.. and someone DARE ask again.. then of course.   ''  They are STILL looking into it and not talking about it at all until the facts can be determined''
           Well, at least someone has gotten the YOU don't want to talk about it message..

         Now if that is not enough to discourage some from wondering What Happened... then when its brought up again.. they '' have brought in outside consultants to look into it.. ''  Followed by the aforementioned period of not hearing a darn thing unless once again inquired about..

         Then it becomes more intense..  ''  We have looked into it and have had consultants working on the issues... notice they don't refer to it as a complaint.. its now an ''issue''  and have advised we do need to investigate this so to remove any doubt as to the innocence of the persons, place or such that is the subject of the complaint.. or in what now is referred to an issue..   And noticed the person is NOW innocent already.. in spite of the fact that at this point.. the initial complaint is probably sitting in File 13 collecting dust until it dry rots..

      Next of course is '' further investigation''  and it just goes on and on..  Until the day no one cares or until they will simply say..  '' We looked into it and found in our investigation that there was no proof to the allegations that led to the complaint..  '   Now being kissed off so to speak.. they can once again refer to it as a complaint..

     Notice they do not say it didn't happen.. just they have no proof..

     Stay tuned and  Flip forward a couple of years and you will no doubt see an arrest by the FBI or the TX Rangers .........which is only proof that someone .. of importance mind you.. not the average everyday Joe or Jill..  got hacked off .. otherwise you will indeed not hear nor read a thing about it again..

     Or lets just say you won't hear about it again.. until it happens again.. which is usually the case but it just seems they hope it won't..

      Lets face it folks.. its just too much trouble and too much work and too time consuming  to deal with complaints.  Much easier to let them dry rot..   So if you truly want to be a good citizen.. look the other way , keep your mouth shut and don't talk about it..  AT LEAST that is the way it was explained to me.. and since I DON'T carry.. I best take their word for it..

      All which leads back to Mr P..  a lot of people could learn a lot of things about dealing with complaints from Mr P..  I think his tactics have been written about in Husbandry.. First semester... since so many men already practice these tactics..  I suspect it was taught  to him.. in Shop back in High School.   Or maybe its been passed down from generation to generation.  

         

Meanwhile, back at the farm..........

                ''Happy Superbowl Sunday Mr. P ''

'' Back at ya Mrs P.. but I didn't think you cared that much about football..''

               ''I don't but I can't wait for the Puppy Bowl .. keeps the dogs entertained .  And after today.. I will once again have some help with the yardwork and home maintenance.. and the new sidewalk and a whole host of other projects still waiting for completion.  ''

'' Really ?  Who is going to help you ? ''  Inquired Mr P..

               ''  The same person who is going to go buy me a birthday prezzie while I cook up the Superbowl snacks ''  hints Mrs P.. to no avail of course.

'' FYI Mrs P..  it won't work but nice try..  I am going next to the folks  to watch the game.. they have plenty of food so.. why don't you just go out shopping and buy that birthday present..  ''  Mr P replied..

            '' FYI Mr. P ..it won't work but nice try..  ''

            Well Pooh..  sighed Mrs P......  at least I won't have to share my sausage cheese balls..

Well folks.. all bets are off it seems on whether Mr P will ever get Mrs P a birthday present.. but I do hope you win your bet today on your team.. 

                     ''Oh dear . oh dear.. oh dear..  I see another two hits on my blog. Now I am truly getting worried..  ''

'' That was probably YOU dear'' Mr P reminded Mrs P.

                     '' Oh.. well . thank goodness for that.. I thought this blog was secret.. ''

'' Whats the point in a secret blog ?''

                       '' Isn't it obvious.. if my blog is secret.. I don't have to worry about typos.. or grammar.. or the wannabee  secret police even.. ''

'' But Mrs. P.. if you leave in those typos and such. then you will appear ignorant.. Then the  police can quit worrying about you.. They will just assume people will think you are too ignorant to know anything much less take anything you talk about seriously.. so that might just work in your favor.. hmmm..  ''

                   '' Hmmmm.. 💁 [Now that emoji is suppose to be the information desk person.. So.. in the interest of justice.. which is where this blog is heading to.. I think we might just leave out the emoticons from this blog..'']

                  Course it could be that Butterfly is following you again..  

           '' OH NO.. I knew it.. I just knew it..   We are being spied on..  SEE.. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS when you talk about something.. ''  Mrs P cried out..

'' Now now Mrs. P.. surely not.. What even makes you think such a thing ''

            '' I just checked my blog..and I have 143 hits... I ONLY know six people..   Why is this happening to me.. ??''

'' You women.. you all are always talking about something.. its all your fault Mrs. P''

           ''But .. but.. but.. women don't really talk about anything of any importance dear.. we don't want headaches you know.. so it must BE YOU.. '' she said glaring at Mr. P.

'' Me ?  CAN'T be me.. why just the other day you said I didn't know a thing about anything..  so it HAS to be you ..  and it seems to me you get a headache every night anyhow.. ''

       Mrs. P... '' cough cough cough.. its allergies dear.. Cold wind blows in cedar from the north..''

''IN JULY.. Its July dear.'' inquired Mr P..

       ''Oh. then its pollen .. it stuck around since Spring since you haven't mowed the yard lately'' she looked sternly at Mr. P..

''Cough cough cough.. ''

        '' Hmm.. seems you might have allergies too Mr. P..''  she laughed.   But I am concerned with the increase in traffic to my blog..  Somebody knows something or someone or such and might be talking about it.. hmmmmmm ''

'' Nope.. I think its obvious dear.. its the secret police.. yeppers.. they think I don't know anything.. but they aren't sure.. and now they suspect I might indeed know something.. so they have my name and are checking up on me for sure.. that would explain it all..''  Mrs. P decided.. 

''The police aren't secret dear.. if they were you wouldn't know they were the police.. ''

          '' Well I thought we had already established the fact we would pretend not to know anything..  you might have lost me here dear..''    '' Lets just put it this way.. they aren't secret.. but they operate as though everything they do is not well known. Well not well known except for those youtube videos and nightly newscast.. Word might be getting out..  So.. knowing I might know.. and might talk.. they probably are spying on us now..''

''Its a very strange world  ''

''Course this could have something to do with Butterfly.. no telling what she has done now..  ''

Meanwhile.. You don't want to know about it.. for sure..  🙈  [thats a see no evil emoticon.. lame isn't it..]

             '' So you see dear why I say you don't want to know about it.. otherwise you might have to talk.. and we have already established the fact you don't want to talk ..''  Mrs P sighed as she sat down..

''What exactly can't I know again ? hmmm  '' asked a confused Mr. P

            '' Anything important.. anything you should probably BE talking about.. but as you know now.. you can't talk about.. hmmm..  Well it makes sense to me..as I know things I should not be talking about.. But you didn't hear that from me.  I have known something I should not talk about for a couple of weeks now.. and its killing me not to talk about it.. which means they might get their wish yet.. I might die of curiousity. it kills cats you know.. might kill pigs too''   Mrs P says while sniffing into a hankie..  One with fabulous embroidery on it of course. 

'' You know.. or in this case you should know but never admit it.. that if you know something and you do talk about it.. then it might cause work for whoever is involved.. And that just plain rude .. its probably a Southern thing.. but I hear its spreading.. ''

''Since no one has the time nor the resources to do their jobs right nowadays.. its just plain easier on everyone if no one knows anything to talk about..   Plain and simple''  she forcefully said.. 

'' Okay Mrs. P,  I can just pretend to not hear a thing.. ''  🙉  [thats a hear no evil emoticon.. lame again]

          ''NOW you're catching on.. and that should not even be a problem for you dear.. You haven't heard a thing I said in thirty two years.. give or take a year.   Just avoid people who want to talk ..and you won't have any problems.. as long as you don't .............................

'' Its not as easy as you think not knowing Mrs. P.. For instance I know LOTS of things about you..you don't know I know .. LOTS.. '' Teased Mr. P..

           ''Such as ?  Cause I can tell you.. if I could talk about it.. that it just doesn't seem you know a thing about me Mr. P..''  But since we can't talk about it,, then I shall never know if you know.. ya know..

 ''Well Mrs P.. I can't tell you since I CAN'T talk about it.. ''  snorted Mr P.

Stay tuned.........