Meanwhile.  Mr. P has a complaint.. hmmmmmm

           '' Sounds to me you might be complaining about ALL the money I save you..   And I can proudly say I don't think I have cost you a dime during all these years we have been married.. not one red cent..
I just did our taxes for last year.. and thanks to me you are getting a refund. Without me as a deduction.. and that married filing jointly column you would owe,and big time..  I figured out I save you about 5 grand in taxes every year.. over the course of the thirty years we have been married.. that's about 150 grand.  and that doesn't count all the money I have saved you in coupons.. .   So it looks like you OWE me.. ''  Mrs P says while extending her hand..

 '' OWE YOU .. OWE YOU .. OWE YOU ''  Coughs Mr P..   What about what you eat.. ? ''

            '' We spend about a hundred a week in groceries.. I eat about ten percent of the groceries.. I save about twenty percent with coupons and freebies.. sometimes more but I will cut you a break here..  So I figure over thirty years.. you owe me about ten percent of that one hundred a week I spend on groceries.   And I might point out.. you hardly tip me when I serve you..  ''

'' OWE YOU For food ? What about the roof over your head ?'' asked Mr P,  demanding an explanation from Mrs P.. ''

           '' I guess you forgot dear.. Navy Retirement.. TX Community Property Laws covers that quite nicely..  I use the retirement pay for the mortgage and utilities..  My half of that.. the retirement pay.. pays for MY  half of the roof over my head ''

''WHAT about all the crap you buy, the fabric ?''

         ''  I am so glad you brought that up .. I was thinking about all that stuff..   Lets take the fabric for example..  Now I sew all our own drapes.. and I buy that fabric at big discounts and sometimes even with half off coupons.. so I always save you fifty percent at least.. sometimes more..  so thats MY half.. and you only OWE me for the labor.. ''  

'' OWE YOU for the labor ????????? ''  cough cough..  '' What about the papercrap ?  ''

        '' Thanks.. thats another thing I forgot  and its a real money pit , but you see.. I make all our cards.. and your family is much bigger then my family.. so since your family gets more cards then my family..  you might want to kick in more then half here..  its only fair..  Hallmark would def charge more .''

''What about your medical costs ? ''  (Poor Mr. P .. he hasn't learned to stop while he is only a little bit behind)

        '' I know.. medical can add up fast.. but I don't hold it against you for bringing all those germs home from work .. doesn't seem fair.. but I don't charge you back for any of my down time.. so lets just call it even on medical..  The fact that you make me sick is probably just a fact of married life ''  

'' WHAT about your clothes ? I buy your clothes''  smirked Mr. P..

         '' Don't be so cheap dear ..   besides right now.. I consider all that clothing as past , present and future birthday presents.. Might be cheaper for you to go buy me something.. .. just sayin........'' smiled Mrs P..

          '' Look on the bright side Mr. P.. I hardly charge you anything for my time and labor..  ''

''CHARGE ME.. CHARGE ME.. Charge me for your time and labor ? ''

          ''Yeppers.. why just today.. I only charged you 300 dollars for doing those taxes.. that's half what a real tax preparer would charge.. my half.. ''

Too bad for you Mrs P.. I am not not NOT paying you a dime.. ''  Mr P said smugly.

            '' Oh I already knew that.. its why I never ask.. never send you a bill, that would just not work  ..Under the circumstances.. those being you are cheap and you take me for granted..   SO I just go spend it.. it all comes out in the wash..  Speaking of which,   Luckily  you now do your own laundry  .. you wouldn't believe what they charge for laundry nowadays..

  So this morning .. I bought a new sewing machine with that three hundred dollars. .. and I am not even going to charge you  half of it.  Even though I will be using it for sewing up household decor and mending your clothing..  Since I already charge you the labor for alterations ''

'' You bought ANOTHER machine.. why on earth.. how could you possibly need another sewing machine ?''
         '' Don't get upset dear.. I only did it to please you..  You are always saying how all the other wives do this.. or that.. so since Sally  bought her a new machine.. I bought one too.. so to obey your wishes that I do all the stuff all the other wives do.. ''  '' Frankly .. considering .. I think you should have paid for that machine. It was your idea.. why should I have to pay for it ?''

        ''  IN any case Mr. P.. its not your job to worry about the money.. that's what you pay me for .  ''

           '' BUT the yardwork.. we really need to talk about the yardwork.. I just found out the neighbor pays twenty bucks just for a guy to mow her little front yard.. .. Geez have costs just gone up for yardwork lately..''

'' But I MOW the back yard and its much bigger Mrs P.. ''

          '' I know that but YOU use a riding lawn mower..  It should come out of your entertainment budget really  ''

'' AHA.. Now I GOTCHA.. What about the cable bill.. answer me that. ''

         '' We don't have cable dear.. you just can't afford it after paying me to wash the windows.. ''

'' You wash the windows.. ?  Then how come they look dirty ?''

         '' Because you can only afford to pay me twice a year for them. The dust down here in Texas is just hideous.  I should charge you a surcharge just for dusting alone.   Actually washing the windows are kinda a freebie to you .. I lump it in with the cost of spring and fall cleaning.  ''

 '' I think I need a drink " Mr P said.. collapsing on his lazyboy.

          '' Of course . No problem..  That will be $ 2.05.. ''  Mrs P said extending her hand once again.

'' TWO DOLLARS AND FIVE CENTS.. ?  WHAT happened to $ l.99 ''

           ''  I need a raise ''      

(continued)



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