Monday, February 20, 2017
''GOOD MORNING MR P, HAPPY PREZ DAY ''
''Tone it down a bit will ya.. I haven't even had my coffee yet '' Mr P replied
'' I can't help it.. I am so so so excited.. After all its not often I have an entire day named just for me.. former President Poorpigling you know.. Even though I must share it with some other formers .. some who are a whole lot less popular then Poorpigling.. I still think of it as MY day'' '' I bet I get lots and lots of emails and cards and letters and presents too...''
'' Mrs P.. you were NOT president.. ''
'' You are just jealous Mr. P.. Of course I was Prez.. still am Prez of the Pea Party you know''
'' Prove it.. show me your paycheck'' snorted Mr P..
'' Well dear I would.. but we are on direct deposit you know''
'' Ok. show me the deposits then''
'' I would .. I truly would love to.. only by the time the government took out Medicare, Social Security, State and Federal taxes,, along with Disability, Workmens Comp, retirement contributions, and other such nonsense such as Vision , dental and Medical insurance.. I ended up owing them l.99 per pay day.. Not only did I not get a cent for the four years I was President.. but I ended up owing them... l.99 adds up after four years you know ''
''So, are you telling me YOU owe the government ? '' Inquired Mr P '' Are they going to garnishee your current wages then ?''
'' Don't be silly dear.. I don't have any wages right now.. You still haven't paid me you know.. ''
'' Well thats some relief''
'' So I made a deal with them.. they are taking it out of YOUR wages ''
''Another fine mess you have gotten us into Mrs P.. ''
'' ME ? It was your idea for me to get a job . you said........''
''Never mind what I said.. since when do you pay any attention to what I say .. just my luck that the one time.......''
''Thats what happens when you try to cheap out Mr. P.. EVERYONE knows had you just bought me that PINK machine.. I would not have gone looking elsewhere for the money.. ''
'' So at least NOW you are getting retirement pay ?"
'' Oh dear me no.. you see it turns out you have to do at least twenty years to get any retirement pay.. and the job of Prez is only eight years at the most. Its a real racket if you ask me.. a catch 22.. Darn government.. you just can't trust them ..''
'' But thats okay... it will all be made up to me today.. when all my constituents send me all those grateful emails, and cards and letters and send my flowers and presents.. I JUST CAN'T WAIT till the POSTMAN gets here today. ''
( Folks .. no use staying tuned for this story .. we all already have guessed its going to be a very long day at Poorpiglings place )
Thursday, February 16, 2017
'' You need a raise ? '' To pay for blue shoes?''
'' No, not exactly.. well not just blue shoes.. ''
'' I need to pay for my new Birkenstocks.. you see.. Sally had a pair of Birkenstocks.. so natch I had to have a pair.. per your wishes I have all the other things all the other wives have... so don't yell at me.. go yell at Sally .'' Mrs P answered back..
'' I never said that.. that I wanted you to have all the other things the other wives have.. I said... '' All the other wives cook and clean and work and do the bills and see to the taxes and the yardwork and AND do their husbands laundry.. among other things. '' retorted Mr P.. '' You don't even like those shoes.. you said they were chunky monkey shoes.. so why buy them ?''
'' I needed the support '' sniffed Mrs P..
'' I support you enough .. send the shoes back '' ordered Mr P..
'' Well I can't do that dear.. you see.. while looking for these shoes.. I came across a few more pair.. maybe more then a few.. and they all got delivered and I had so many boxes and packing material I just threw it all away.. So of course the house would be cleaned .. per your wishes.. when you get home. and so now I can't send them back.. ''
'' HOW many darn shoes did you buy ? '' Asked Mr P.
'' I am not sure.. I think I lost count.. and you know math is so not my strong suit.. You see I didn't know what shoes I should buy.. so I went to my other group and asked around.. and well.. Sally liked the Birkenstocks.. while....
Anita liked Ughs..
Betty liked Franco Sarto
Cathy liked L L Bean
Diana liked Naturalizers
Elaine liked Sperry's
Felicity liked Comforts
'' Wait a minute.. wait just one darn minute.. are you telling me you bought the same shoes as ALL the other members..? ''
'' Of course not dear.. why there are over a half million members of that group.. so I just went down the alphabet once.. or twice.. '' I will say.. that group is really passionate about their shoes..
And shoes are kinda like purses.. there are sandals, and wedges, high heels and pumps, low heels and loafers.. tennis shoes and boatshoes, and it just goes on and on.. Now its a bit worse with shoes.. cause you need not only a couple of each style.. but in all colors too.. its very very complicated.. so you probably don't want to hear about it .. lets just move on shall we.. ?''
'' And so you see.. I NEED A RAISE.. ''
(to be cont'd )
'' Oh NO.. NO NO NO.. I just got an email from Sally.. seems it wasn't Birkenstocks she loved. she likes the Danskos.. Oh dear me.. I haven't bought even one pair of that brand.. ''
'' Oh NO NO NO NO NO.. Is right.. I suppose now you have to run out and buy some Danskos ? '' groaned Mr. P..
'' Don't be silly Dear. its in the seventies.. its Spring.. I won't need any shoes for the next l0 months.. I think I will just throw on my l0 year old pair of tennis shoes.. and my 2.00 Tshirt I have had forever.. and go do the yardwork.. But thanks anyhow .. for your support '' grinned Mrs P..
'' BUT DON'T FORGET MY RAISE.''
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
''Good morning Mrs. P ''
''I said.. Good morning ''
'' And what ? '' sighed Mr. P.. clueless as always..
'' Its Valentines Day.. where is MY valentine ?"' SIGHED Mrs. P.
'' Now Mrs P.. don't get your nose outta joint.. again... I had no idea it was Valentines Day ''
'' Mr P.. although I have no proof of that.. common sense tells me you did indeed know ''
'' And chose to ignore it.. as you have managed to ignore it for over thirty years now.....'' she continued..
I knew.. and as you know.. one day here is the same as the next day and the day before it.. I have no calendar.. and its always just another day in paradise here.. If its hot I work outside.. if its cold I work inside.. If there is football on TV I know its fall.. if I hear basketball its spring..and in the summer I see you watching baseball.. Other then those clues.. it doesn't matter what day , month , or year it is..
AND EVEN I KNEW ITS VALENTINES DAY.''
'' Okay. then since YOU knew.. Where is my Valentine? '' retorted Mr. P..
'' I baked you an entire batch of brownies ''
'' Oh great.. where are they ?''
'' I am holding them for evidence in an upcoming murder investigation.'' glared Mrs P at Mr P..
'' Gulp.. Who got murdered ? ''
'' No one yet.. but if I were you.. I would think twice about eating those brownies ''
'' Lets just have a nice quiet dinner together. Whats on the menu ? ''
'' SPAM.. and Brownies . ''
'' Happy Valentines Day '' From poorpigling and the zoo.. 💘
And WHOSE FAULT is this ?
'' So .. I heard about these bags.. Sally and Merry.. they talked about them all the time you see.. cough cough ''
'' I think I need to delete Sally from your contacts '' says Mr. P
'' Oh.. but it wasn't HER fault.. not really.. '' insists poorpigling.. '' One day I was just sitting at the computer.. minding my own business.. happy as a lark.. and suddenly out of no where for no reason whatsoever.. or sumtin like that.. Merry emails me and says..'' Look.. Look.. LOOK.. And with a purchase of only one hundred dollars.. you get free ship.. 'I only want a couple of bags.. so if you want some too.. we can go together and get free shipping.. Thats what she said all right..
'' And I thought.. why not ?''
''I could have told you why not if you had asked ''
'' But you weren't home dear.. you never are when I need advise you know..''
'' Maybe because I am too busy working to pay for your bags.. '' snorted Mr. P..
'' If you will just let me finish.. Well Merry and I went together and got our needed limit and so I placed an order.. But then the very next day.. Merry saw ANOTHER bag she wanted.. and I just couldn't say no you know.. So .. I placed another order. ''
'' And then I realized what a killer deal we were getting with the discount and FREE ship.. so I just gave up and gave in and placed one more order.. '' sigh.. ''It was a lot of hard work I tell you.. you aren't the only one working for bags.. '' SIGH
'' And besides.. the purchase was so practical.. now.. no matter what dress or what shoe I wear.. I will have a bag to match.. Smart move on my part huh ? ''
'' Now I only need to pay for them with that raise you promised me.. ''
''So NOW you are going to want new shoes too ? ''
'' Of course not dear.. I already bought them.. which is why I really really really need a raise..''
(Left to right.. Coldwater Creek Silk , Coldwater Creek cotton, Designer Louis Feraud, Vintage Unworn, Designer Oleg Cassini RTW current silk..
Uh oh.. I think we all know where this thread is heading to now )
'' YES,, I NEED a raise.. I just got the bill for my birthday dress''
''But we didn't go out on your birthday .. so why buy a dress for it.. ''
''Ummm.. just in case ''
''But we never go out on your birthday.. why on earth would you even think we would now after thirty some years ? ''
'' I am a very optimistic person Mr P.. YOU of all people should know that.. There is always hope.. there is always a faint chance.. A pig has dreams.. she has..........''
'' Never mind .. forget I ask'' cut in Mr. P
'' So .. do I get to keep the dresses ?' asked Mrs. P..
''DRESSES ? AS IN ? Just how many dresses did you buy ? '' groaned Mr. P.. '' Why would you even buy more than one dress.. ?''
'' Now dear.. don't get so bent out of shape.. I can explain ,, its really quite simple.. You see.. First I bought the Louis Feraud dress.. it was just too good a buy to pass on.. Very hard to find.. and its PINK.. but then I realize.. there is no way I could wear it.. Because its vintage.. never been worn.. and if I wear it now.. it will devalue it.. I was just concerned with making sure it was a good investment.. I was only looking out for our assets.. '' sniffed Mrs. P..
'' So then I bought the Coldwater Creek.. Now the only way to get free shipping was to spend over a certain amount.. so I did.. You should be proud of me saving you shipping costs.. '' '' But then I realized that hmmmm.. they don't look as '' out to dinner special as I wanted. '' So then I bought the Cassini dress.. Its really pretty and I can't wait till you take me out to my birthday dinner so I can wear it '' hinted Mrs.. P..
'' I can't afford to take you out to dinner now even if I wanted too. not after paying for four dresses'' sighed Mr. P..
'' Actually,, it was a few more then four dear... ''
'' MORE THEN FOUR? Why would you buy more then four when you didn't even need one ?''
'' Now calm down.. it was just that you know.. My birthday is in Jan.. and this is TX.. and the morning I ordered those dresses it was 78 degrees.. but by the time we got ready to go to bed it was only 30 degrees and dropping fast. So I was worried it might just get TOO cold to wear a sleeveless dress.. so I bought a few with sleeves.. One just never knows........''
'' Can't you just wear a sweater ?'' asked Mr. P..
'' And ruin the look.. you gotta be kidding.. One does not wear a sophiticated Oleg Cassini dress and put a sweater on.. its just not done.. What would be the point of having a really nice dress just to cover it up with a sweater.. I swear Mr. P.. sometimes I just don't understand you... ''
'' And besides that.. I got tired of all the new blue dresses.. they may be classic in color.. but along with all the new little black dresses the closet was looking so depressing ''
'' Why on earth would a pig need a black dress. much less a handful of them ? ''
'' You never know dear.. someone might die.. especially on your side of the family.. I heard just the other night on the news.. they are not real fond of feral hogs anymore.. They might be in real danger.. ''
'' And then .. I also wanted some for our cruise ''
''CRUISE ? WHAT CRUISE ''
'' Oh.. guess I forgot to tell you.. I am signing us up for a cruise to celebrate our anniversary.. it will save you the trouble of trying to surprise me with an anniversary present''
'' Well its a big surprise to me that you even thought I might even think of an anniversary present''
'' I don't want to go on any cruise.. I have spent enough time at sea.. ''
'' Then you stay home dear.. I will take a girlfriend with me instead.. maybe Sally.. she has good shoes I hear ..''
'' I think I am seeing stars'' groaned Mr. P.
'' Then you need new glasses.. those aren't stars.. they are polka dots.. lots and lots of polka dots in all different colors.. in case you are color blind also.. '' added Mrs. P.
''POLKA DOTS.. On a Pig ? ''
'' Its that Julia look.. the Marilyn Monroe look.. classic.. never goes out of style.. Fun and besides that.. I needed some relief from all the diagonal prints I also bought . I must say my closet looks fabulous .''
THUD.. '' WHAT diagonal dresses ? ''
'' Now everyone knows.. you gotta have striped dresses.. they make you slim.. What gal doesn't want to look good.. '' pouted Mrs P.
'' Don't be a spoilspig.. .. I needed all those dresses to balance out all the florals I bought. I am so in love with Lolly Politcer.. especially the sundresses.. after all it does get so hot down here.. a girl can't have too many sundresses when she lives in TX.. Course I COULD sew them up myself if I just didnt' have to spend so much time cooking and cleaning .. ''
'' So you see.. there is a reasonable explanation for all those dresses you see.. ''
'' I thought you just bought long sleeve dresses because you were cold ? ''
'' Let me explain.. there are dresses , then there are dresses.. There are long sleeved, and short sleeved and cap sleeved and butterfly sleeved and on and on.. Then there is the length.. mini, maxi , knee and anywhere else they might fall,, add that to fabric choice.. polyester, cotton, vicose, silk, linen, rayon, wool, and all the blends. Not to mention all the styles.. Well, you just better have one or two of each on hand to make sure you can be properly dressed for any occasion no matter the weather. ''
'' But I count over ten blue ones alone.. blue isn't even your favorite color.. so why so many blue ?''
(POOR MR P.. is puzzled indeed, and a bit dizzy too )
'' You already know dear from when we painted the house.. blue is a hard color to match.. almost impossible. one doesn't realize just HOW MANY shades of blue there are.. you just have to keep buying till you get lucky and find a match .''
'' A Match ? A match to what ? ''
'' Just a few new purses .. and that is why I need a raise ''
(to be continued.. grins)
Saturday, February 11, 2017
|Ralph Lauren.. Dylans Grove.. My fav vintage pattern..|